Facetious ISKCON humor

by Richard S. Brown

ISKCON GITA - As It Is (sample verse and esoteric purport)

Verse:
Krishna to Arjuna (BG 12.9): My dear Arjuna, O winner of wealth, if you cannot fix your mind upon Me without deviation, then follow the regulative principles of bhakti-yoga. In this way develop a desire to attain Me.

Purport:
Here we can clearly hear Krishna telling Arjuna to join Iskcon. Why? Because Iskcon is the center of existance. And only Iskcon people are humans. Until Arjuna joins Iskcon he is an animal, because only Iskcon people are human. So Krishna is telling Arjuna NOT to be an animal... he has only one option on the battlefield, and that is join Iskcon OR remain an animal. What this means to you and I is that we too should join Iskcon. Even Krishna is a member of Iskcon. And when you have turned into a human being by joining Iskcon then you too can not be an animal. Make no mistake: Non-Iskcon people are demons, the lowest of man kind. So unless you want to be an unhuman animal demon then JOIN ISKCON. When you have joined Iskcon you will become under the 10,000 year law books. Then you can rob and plunder, as long as you don't drink tea, because rightfully EVERYTHING belongs to Iskcon only. In Iskcon we have a new type of currency, called Lakshmi Points. The more you get, the higher you go toward the goal, viz., Iskcon. So without a doubt - any other interpretation of this verse that does not lead directly to Iskcon is non-sense and Maya. All non-Iskcon unhuman-animal-demons, like your parents, are condemned to eternal hell because they have not accepted the love of Iskcon. Iskcon is a Sanskrit word, that when translated into English means The Spiritual World of GOD. Iskcon means Krishna, therefore Iskcon is God, and the GBC are the Angels of Paradise. Only the Iskcon GBC know what is real and what is false. You are only a jivatma IF the GBC allow you to exist in Iskcon. Otherwise you're an unhuman-animal-demon like Arjuna. Therefore the conclusion is that Arjuna should join Iskcon, and then go kill his family members over some real estate dispute. There is NO other possible meaning to this verse. Thus Iskcon is the means and the end. There is NO other truth besides Iskcon.---Yours truly ISKCON"